Releasing a
Person
by Charles Lightwalker
Recovering from a Break-Up Or A Divorce
When John's girlfriend broke up with him, he couldn't seem to
recover. He invented excuses to call her and took any warmth from
her as a sign of hope for their future. His friends got sick of
hearing about her. Even after she got serious with someone else,
John continually tortured himself by obsessing about her.
This fixation on a former love is not unusual. Many have trouble
letting go after a relationship is over. The depression that follows
the break-up of a relationship is considered by mental health
professionals as a normal part of grieving. However, to those going
through it, the pain can seem unbearable, and the accompanying
behavior, embarrassing.
Why do we get so attached to another human being? Spiritually, the
closeness that we feel serves us by propelling us into a sense of
oneness that reminds us of our connection to Source. Sociologically,
attachment keeps us together for the purpose of raising healthy
babies and continuing the species. Physiologically, a chemical
reaction occurs when we meet and bond with a partner.
But when a relationship is no longer flowing--either because one
partner wants out or for any other reason--it is time to release.
The magic of releasing gracefully may actually bring the partner
back. One must truly release without expectations for the future.
And it is much easier to release than to go through the agony of
holding on after it's over.
Below are some guidelines for releasing when it's necessary. They
make it easier to let go and even expedite the process so you can be
free to move on.
1. Allow yourself to cry and grieve without judgment. Embrace
the tears. Even welcome them, because they are healing. Don't fight
your feelings of depression and sadness. Let them be, knowing that
they will pass. By letting your grieving flow freely, you will
recover quicker.
2. Surrender to the Divine moment-by-moment and day-by-day,
especially during the hard times. Trust that if you're meant to be
together, eventually it will be. But for now, you must release.
There's a magic in this. Each time you manage to surrender, putting
your pain in the hand of Source, you will be met by some unexpected
good. I've seen this come in the form of a distraction, a visit from
a caring friend or an inspirational email that lifts your spirits.
This will build your trust. Understand that you are and will be
taken care of, even in the midst of your sorrow. Watch for what
shows up for you each day in the form of support and love.
3. One of the best methods of stopping obsessive thoughts
about the other person is to focus instead on yourself and your own
life. What we may look for in a lover is something we think is
missing in yourself, so it makes sense that attention to the self is
what can actually fill this void. By turning your attention to
yourself, you heal. Open to the Divine vision of yourself as a
fulfilled, sacred being with an amazing life. Declare that it is
time that you come into your own. Be self empowered.
4. When pain arises, embrace it but don't feed it. Yes, you
must embrace and allow the pain, but there are times when you must
put it on the back burner and get on with life (like at work). There
is too much loving and living waiting for you. Notice ways in which
you feed your pain. Practice what psychology calls the "observing
ego" and spirituality calls the "witness consciousness." This is
simply noticing that you're allowing the pain to mushroom. By
noticing it, you dis-identify with it and effectively make a "break"
with it. You can't both be aware of your pain, and let it take you
over at the same time. The act of simply noticing that you're
wallowing in your pain will help you transcend it and move on.
A step-by-step approach to begin using your witness consciousness
is: Notice when you think of the person or your pain and how often.
This alone will begin to dissolve the pattern.
Say to yourself, "I'm thinking of him/her again." Watch yourself do
this as if you suddenly realize you're sitting in a movie instead of
being completely caught up in the movie.
As the pain dissolves, take a moment to feel the life spirit that
animates your being. Feel your body deeply. This puts you back in
touch with Source .
Become aware of this present moment. Look around to see what's going
on around you and find something to be grateful for, even if it's
simply the gift of being alive.
(To contact this author, Email:
charleslightwalker@yahoo.com)
[All work by author is copyright protected. If you would like to use
this article, please contact the author for permission.]
